‘This rule is controlling and unfair’: 25-year-old daughter refuses to abide by father's ‘wish’ for her to never interact with his ex-wife's potential partners for the rest of her life

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Feb 3, 2025 6:00 AM EST

Divorce is messy, upsetting, and messy again. Nobody wants to get divorced unless there's a real reason for it… What that reason is, is up to those in the marriage. Typically, fundamental differences, infidelity, or more concerning issues are typically the root causes of a legal split. Amicable divorces are possible, but not always. This is true especially if the reason for the split threw fuel into an ever-growing fire of contempt, animosity, and distrust.

A child of divorce might begin to foster the same feelings of contempt and animosity if they're being forced to choose sides in the divorce proceedings. A good parent wouldn't make their child choose between them (unless the situation permits it) and if the parent does make them choose, they shouldn't be surprised when their kid wants nothing to do with them.

The woman who posted the story you're about to read has decided to stop abiding by her father's demands. Her father insists that she will never meet or interact with any of his ex-wife's potential partners, for the rest of her life. If she decides to welcome her mother's new romantic partner, she will be disowned. Even still, this woman refuses to be told what to do and who to interact with. Scroll to see how the rest of the post unfolds, including some feedback from commenters.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10461495808
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to ‘honor’ my dad’s wishes?"

    I (25F) have been caught in the middle of my parents' messy divorce for years. My dad claims my mom cheated, but there's no evidence, and my mom
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  • denies it. Honestly, their marriage was extremely incompatible, and it was bound to end sooner or later.
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  • My dad took the divorce really badly, and my younger sister and I have always tried to be compassionate and understanding. However,
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  • after the divorce, he imposed this rule: we are never to meet or interact with any potential partner of my mom's. He made it clear that he doesn't want anyone else "taking the role of dad."
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  • We disagreed but went along with it to keep the peace. However, during a recent conversation, he told me he expects us to follow this rule for the rest
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  • of his life. I was dumbfounded. I asked, "Even when I'm 40, married, and with kids of my own, am I still not allowed to meet someone
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  • my mom has been with for years if he makes her happy?" He said yes. He then added that if I did, I'd "stop being his daughter," and he would cut me out of his life entirely.
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  • The poster's mother and father are clearly incompatible. One person decides to move on with the divorce amicably (the mother,) and the other decides to demonize his ex-wife without evidence (the father.) Of course, cheating can happen without tangible evidence left behind, but commenters suspect that the divorce bloomed because of the father's controlling behavior and not because of the mother's alleged “cheating."

    Either way, a parent holding their child to a ridiculous standard and dishing out a harmful ultimatum will only leave him lonely in the end, evidently. Nobody likes being told what to do, especially when it comes to family.

  • I think his fear stems from feeling replaced, which I understand when we were younger. But at this stage in our lives, it feels absurd.
    via Parking_Society6027
  • Cheezburger Image 10461496064
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • It's not like a new partner would "raise" us-we're adults now. I told him I'm not willing to follow this rule forever, and if he chooses to cut me off for
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  • that, it will be his decision, not mine. He called it a lack of principles and insists I would be the one responsible for ending our relationship.
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  • I think this rule is controlling and unfair, and I refuse to let it dictate my life any longer, but I also don't want to lose my dad. AITA for standing my ground?
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  • e... He doesn't want to lose you as his daughter, so if you meet a partner of your mom's he'll - checks notes - cut you out of his life and lose you as his daughter. Make it make sense. NTA
    via embopbopbopdoowop
  • IWouldBeGroot NTA.... was the actual reason for your parents divorce because he was too controlling and he just lied about the infidelity?
    via IWouldBeGroot
  • Parking_Society6027 Spot on.
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  • Amberhaveen You're an adult, and you have the right to build your own relationships. It's unfair for him to dictate who you can and cannot see based on his own insecurities.
    via Amberhaveen
  • Available-Love79... NTA. Your father needs therapy. I'm also seeing why the marriage broke up, if he's this easy with harsh ultimatums.
    via Available-Love7940
  • You are in a difficult spot. Right now, it might not matter, if your mom isn't seeing someone. But he sounds like the sort that, even if your mom had a male friend, would take that as 'seeing someone' and cut you out.
    via Available-Love7940
  • Kebar8 Well you can see why your parents got divorced with these claims. No emotional maturity, and no understanding of how things work. I hope you've gotten some therapy to manage these bizarre elements of your upbringing Nta
    via Kebar8
  • GullibleComman... NTA. It's just a way for your dad to still feel in control of your mum's life. Unfortunately, you're stuck in the middle. I'd start creating boundaries now, not wait until your future children are around to get caught in the middle too.
    via GullibleCommand5391

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